Parent / Guardian

Dear Parent/Guardian,

“The Lord is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.” Psalm 9:9 (NIV)

We pray you find this section helpful, especially because we understand this may be one of the most difficult times in your life. Your child is a precious gift from God who has just experienced a severely traumatic event. This can even result in trauma for you. We anticipate you are experiencing many strong emotions and questions. Our goal is to assist you in evaluating some of your thoughts and in determining next steps to start you and your child on the journey of healing. We also want you to feel seen. You are not alone in this situation no matter how much it may feel that way.

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” Psalm 46:1

Before you read any further, we want to remind you that your church leadership and congregation are called by God to pray and support you. When you are comfortable, please share with them the ways they may be a blessing to you. That being said, we understand the sexual abuse committed against your child may have been carried out by someone you trust; such as a family member, a close family friend, or someone you know from work, school, or church such as a church leader or volunteer. If this is the case, we encourage you to remember that, despite our own human tendencies to group God with His people, God is still good, still in control, and still adamantly working on your behalf; trust that even on the darkest of days, God loves you very much and is seeking a personal relationship with you through His Son Jesus Christ. However, this does not mean that you need to trust the perpetrator again or return your child to a dangerous situation.

We would like to specifically outline the ways you can expect your church leadership to assist you in your reporting and healing process-both for you and your child. Be sure to advocate for yourself and your child if you feel underserved and vocalize the needs you and your child have throughout your healing journey.

As a parent/guardian, you may expect the following from church leadership:

  • Prayers

  • Guidance with the following:

    • Reporting to your state’s abuse hotline and/or to a local law enforcement agency

    • Seeking healing through Christian counseling services

  • Assistance with physical needs (food, clothing, shelter) as the church and leadership are able and in accordance with your needs

  • Confidentiality unless otherwise permitted to share information

  • Provision of applicable Bible references for comfort, meditation, healing, and growth

We would also like to caution you as a parent in regards to some ways feelings of grief and helplessness may present themselves. Please seek purely the facts when speaking with your child, and do everything possible to prevent leading them into a false narrative about potential abuse. Encourage honest conversations without incriminating anyone within the church. However, do not deny your child’s reported abuse. Most children do not fabricate stories of abuse and actually have difficulty opening up to their parents about their experience. Seek The Lord in your situation and rely on Him for your wisdom and discernment. You can also seek wisdom and guidance from church leadership. In addition, there are specific resources for parents facing your crisis here.

May you find the healing and peace that only God can provide.

With love,

Church Forward

Referral to Other Professionals

As a parent/guardian, you may seek counseling from your church leadership both for your child and for yourself. However, pastors and church leaders may not be adequately trained in counseling services to provide you with the assistance you and your child may need and/or desire. Do not be alarmed if church leadership asks your permission to refer you or your child to a Christian counselor in order to better meet your needs. If they do not refer you or your child to a licensed counseling professional, but you feel you or your child need these services, we encourage you to request a referral to Christ First Counseling Center or another trusted, Christian counselor in your area.

The following are situational examples requiring referrals to other professional(s):

Documentation

Documentation is a very important piece of accountability and evidence. We encourage you to document any pertinent interactions, and provide those to the proper law enforcement or investigative entity.

Confidentiality vs. Secrecy

Church leadership should take confidentiality for you and your family very seriously. They should always communicate clearly with you beforehand when they feel it is necessary/ beneficial to share your confidential information with anyone else, such as a trusted advisor or other church leadership, to make sure you are all in agreement before proceeding. If you have concerns or fears about details being shared, you may request that they remove your name(s) when sharing or only share general information about your situation. Trust and safety should always be a top priority.

Confidentiality means: “marked by intimacy or willingness to confide

Secrecy is defined as: “the condition of being hidden or concealed”; “the habit or practice of keeping secrets or maintaining concealment”

Secrecy fosters fear, anxiety, mistrust, gossip, and dysfunction in the flock. It destroys accountability and gives space for untruths which can produce much collateral damage. Secrecy can affect church growth. It can hamper the congregation’s ability to come before God and allow the Spirit to move in the midst of the faith community. This can be especially true when pastors or church leaders have used or continue to use secrecy in attempts to preserve reputations or in order to control individual views within the church body. (Mark 4:22)

“Secrecy, once accepted, becomes an addiction.” -Edward Teller

By taking steps to guard confidentiality while preventing secrecy that can harm the church body as a whole, you are protecting the very children of God. May we allow the light of Christ to shine in our communications and dealings with one another.

Key Words

Trauma-Informed Care

Trauma-informed care is vital to the healing of individuals who have been abused. Being trauma-informed means first realizing the prevalence of trauma and second realizing that everyone has different reactions to trauma; at its simplest form, this means that people’s actions can be influenced by their traumatic experiences. There is not a “one size fits all” response to a traumatic event. Some individuals react to trauma in maladaptive ways and even develop mental health disorders in response to their experience, while some individuals react to trauma more positively.

Important principles of trauma-informed care include:

Mandated Reporting for Kansas & Nebraska

Currently, anyone holding a professional license in the state of Kansas is a mandated reporter. Pastors, you are not mandated reporters; however, mandated or not, reporting is the right thing to do. 

Currently, everyone in the state of Nebraska is a mandated reporter. Pastors, church leaders, volunteers, and flock, this means you are responsible for reporting any allegations recounted to you.

Statute of Limitations

Christ First Counseling Center (CFCC) Services

Christ First Counseling Center (CFCC) is “dedicated to strengthening individuals, couples, families, and communities.”

CFCC is “a non-profit ministry that seeks to serve those around us with the highest level of care possible. We strive to be a compassionate ministry of hope and healing for all people; and to contribute to the overall health and well-being of the community we work and live in by providing the best care to every client through Christ-centered, integrated clinical practice, education and research. We also specialize in Human Systems Consulting, organizational health, and training services.”

This “means you can come to us no matter your situation and we will work with you. We will work with you to provide you with high quality services at an affordable rate. We desire to walk through your situation with you. It also means that to continue what we do, we rely on donations to assist those who need support but can not afford it.”

Pastors/church leaders, we encourage you to receive the care you need in order to lead a healthy family both within your home and within your church. We also encourage you to seek assistance when the weight of counseling another becomes too much to bear. Your needs are important to us at Church Forward/KNCSB. Therefore, Church Forward/KNCSB contracts with and allocates funding to Christ First Counseling Center. CFCC provides counseling in person and via telemedicine in both Kansas and Nebraska. If you feel you are in need of their services, you may contact your local AMS/DOM, one of your Church Forward/KNCSB convention staff, or CFCC directly. When you initially speak with the counseling office, be sure to mention you are a Church Forward/KNCSB pastor and request a referral form.

While CFCC does accept many forms of insurance, including Medicare and Medicaid, and works with individuals based off of a sliding scale, we understand that not all insurances cover mental health resources and that even a sliding scale may not make counseling feasible in your situation. If seeking counseling services would or could create a financial burden on your family, Church Forward’s partnership with CFCC may be able to provide assistance. Let your AMS/DOM, the Church Forward/KNCSB convention staff member, or the CFCC representative you speak with know that you would benefit from financial assistance in order to receive counseling services.

Additional Resources